Wednesday, February 12, 2014

once upon a time ...

Once upon a time a little girl was born on a snowy, ice cold day in a small town in southeastern Michigan. The mother of this child was a holocaust survivor. The little girl was a sensitive child and all that she learned from her mother affected her life forever. The little girl grew up with a secret promise to herself, one that would prove to make her more lonely than anyone could imagine. She vowed to protect her unborn children from the evils of the world, and the only way to do that was to not have any children. When the time came for her to come home to take care of her mommy in the last stages of her life, she realized that she wasn't alone anymore. Then when her mommy died, her world seemed to end. She tried very hard to work through the grief but living in her parents home made that recovery difficult. She decided to go to Israel to make a fresh start....

Today I went to the cemetery to say goodbye to my parents. I wanted to crawl into the dirt, to be with them one more time. It wouldn't be so hard to do, I could figure out a way to end it. I had been here many times, in this bone yard, and tried but did not 'feel' them here. Today, after saying my prayers, I lingered, staring at their gravestone as the tears streamed down my face. Should I stay or should I go? I felt a strong pull to stay. The tears wouldn't stop and I heard myself moaning. I was sobbing for my mommy and daddy, but the voice I finally heard wasn't either one of them. The voice I heard was my own. It came as a whisper and then became a roar in my ears. Run for your life, I told myself. Run for your life.