Sunday, October 24, 2010

behind the wheel of my life

Friends that follow me and those that I follow on Twitter know that I've been in a new job for the past eight weeks. The pressure and stress of on the job training and commuting has been driving me to some insomnia and bad dreams. Early this morning I had a nightmare. I was driving home from work. It was dark and I couldn't find my car. My eyes kept becoming glued shut.

Suddenly in my dream, I realized that if I was already driving my car, why was I looking for my car? That instance was the trigger that made me realize that it was all just a dream. I became lucid in my dream, since I knew that I was in the driver's seat of my car and couldn't be lost. It was a huge relief. And the eyes being glued shut? I also knew that my eyes glued closed was an analogy illustrating that I needed to be open to realistic opportunities that present themselves to me.

Opportunities may be unusual and the word 'opportunity' in itself implies circumstance and chance. The dream was telling me to fight to keep my eyes open to "what is." I have to permit access to possibilities. Yes, what comes to us may be disguised as jobs that we once may have thought we were too good for, and also relationships with diverse peoples that we never thought we'd know.

Many missed chances, faltered relationships, and lowered expectations can wear a woman out. But in this moment, on this day, I know that I am not done. I am just beginning. Age is an illusion and so is time. How can I be lost when I am in the driver's seat behind the wheel of my own life? To surrender on one level does not mean a surrender on all fronts.

As Virginia Woolf said: "Arrange whatever pieces come your way."







6 comments:

  1. WOW, that believe it or not is incredible spiritual, faith renewed. My pleasure to call you friend.

    Paul

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  2. "Many missed chances, faltered relationships, and lowered expectations can wear a woman out." And yet you are surviving, chica, even taking the step toward thriving.

    Thank God for this one today, just the blog I'm needing before I go fake normal for the family.

    Xs and Os,
    Dina

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  3. Great post!

    Is that you in the (top) pic?

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  4. Thank you so much!! Yes, that is me in the photo!

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  5. I've just had the chance to listen o the song you posted - brilliant!

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  6. ** The dream was telling me to fight to keep my eyes open to "what is." I have to permit access to possibilities. **

    Just came back for some more inspiration. Your dream is my dream.

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